


everything that you aren't;

by prouveyrac



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Kinda, M/M, there's a happy ending, virgil is really anxious abt what he feels for roman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 20:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14144370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prouveyrac/pseuds/prouveyrac
Summary: Virgil was everything that Roman wasn’t. Even while being able to call Logan, Roman, and Patton his friends, he still found himself throwing his walls back up because he didn’t want to be hurt, and he didn’t want to hurt. Roman’s voice was heard in times of hope, Virgil’s was heard in times of peril. He would rather keep Thomas back because he couldn’t even begin to understand why someone would rather try and fail than not try at all and be okay, but maybe it was because Virgil was never really brave in the first place.Virgil and Roman couldn’t be more different, and Virgil couldn’t think of any possibility in which Roman would like him back in that way. Hell, sometimes Virgil wondered if Roman even liked him at all, or if every smile and nice comment was just an act.After all, Roman was an actor. His profession was based in lying, and Virgil had had his fill of liars.





	everything that you aren't;

**Author's Note:**

> posting a fic at a normal time??? i don't know her
> 
> warnings: self deprecating thoughts, anxiety, deceit is mentioned like twice but he’s not pivotal in the story, cursing, some angst, confessions

Virgil believed that his existence was just him being forced into situations that he didn’t mean to get into, but situations he still had to reap the consequences for.

 _Situation number one:_ Virgil, despite everything, didn’t want to be a “Dark Side”, as Creativity had dubbed them. He knew that he didn’t belong with Logic, Creativity, and Morality; they were the good guys. They were the ones who Thomas liked and cherished. They didn’t have to be hidden from Thomas. The Dark Sides, though, Virgil just felt _wrong_ about being with them. If Logic, Creativity, and Morality were the good guys, the Dark Sides were, without a doubt, the bad guys. The Dark Sides blinded Thomas; they made him believe and do things that he shouldn’t, and Virgil was a part of that. He contributed to the harm done.

But he felt like he wasn’t wanted by the Dark Sides, either. He was Anxiety. He made Thomas worry about things that most people wouldn’t, and the others didn’t like that. They didn’t like that Virgil made Thomas anxious about their plans. Virgil didn’t have enough fingers and toes to count how many times he and Deceit fought because Deceit wanted to lie and Anxiety was too anxious to go through with it. Virgil wasn’t wanted by the Light Sides because he was too evil, and he wasn’t wanted by the Dark Sides for being too weak.

 _Situation number two:_ By the time Virgil started being around Logan, Roman, and Patton more than not, he was already used to being unwanted. Of course the other three wouldn’t enjoy his presence. Virgil was summoned because Thomas wasn’t able to control his nerves. It wasn’t like any of them actually required his assistance. They had no reason to; Virgil never agreed with them, never helped them. He was just a hindrance to them, and all of them knew it. Therefore, he was unwanted by them.

But being unwanted by Logan, Roman, and Patton was different than being unwanted by the Dark Sides. Sure, the Dark Sides didn’t like him, but if Virgil was being honest, none of them ever liked each other. They were chaos, they were the negative aspects of Thomas that were kept hidden from him. They weren’t expected to get along. They just needed to work together. But with the Light Sides, it wasn’t so much as every man for himself as it was three-against-one. So often, Virgil found himself fighting a losing battle by himself because he was trying to do what was best for Thomas, trying to protect Thomas, and the others refused to understand that. And the worst part was that they could easily throw Virgil away; they believed that they didn’t need him, and Virgil started to think that they were right.

 _Situation number three:_ Virgil was truly accepted by Logan, Roman, and Patton. It wasn’t a situation he expected to find himself in, and the other Dark Sides didn’t like it, but Virgil liked it… loved it, actually. Patton was his best friend, Logan was a good buffer for when Patton and Roman’s heightened energies got too overwhelming, and Roman was really working to be nicer to him. Virgil liked these consequences.

 _Situation number four:_ Deceit came back and took the place of Patton. Virgil should have known. He should have realized that “Patton” wasn’t _Patton_ the moment he showed up. Virgil lived with Deceit for _years_ , he should have been able to recognize his faulty portrayal and old ways. He should have been able to protect all of them. That was Anxiety’s role, right? To protect everyone?

Virgil sometimes believed he did a real shitty job at it.

 _Situation number five:_ Roman and the terrible, painful, tragic feelings Virgil caught for him.

Honestly, Virgil falling for Roman was about the worst thing he could’ve gotten himself into. Roman and Virgil were two sides of the same coin and Roman was the _better_ side. Princey could be loud, stubborn, and ready to throw himself and Thomas into heartbreaking situations disguised as grand romantic gestures. He was all of that but, dammit, he meant all of it with the best of his heart. He wanted to be heard because he believed that he had the right answers, even Virgil saw that. He charged into every battlefield he could because Roman was brave; he’d rather be hurt trying then never try at all. It could be tiresome to watch Roman do this, but Virgil couldn’t help but be impressed - _amazed_ \- by Roman and his spirit.

Virgil was everything that Roman wasn’t. Even while being able to call Logan, Roman, and Patton his friends, he still found himself throwing his walls back up because he didn’t want to be hurt, and he didn’t want to hurt. Roman’s voice was heard in times of hope, Virgil’s was heard in times of peril. He would rather keep Thomas back because he couldn’t even begin to understand why someone would rather try and fail than not try at all and be okay, but maybe it was because Virgil was never really brave in the first place.

Virgil and Roman couldn’t be more different, and Virgil couldn’t think of any possibility in which Roman would like him back in that way. Hell, sometimes Virgil wondered if Roman even liked him at all, or if every smile and nice comment was just an act.

After all, Roman was an actor. His profession was based in lying, and Virgil had had his fill of liars.

“Shit,” Virgil muttered to himself, pushing himself up into a sitting position on his bed and tugging his headphones off. He had retreated to his room to get away from all these thoughts, especially the ones that involved Roman, and he had hoped his music would dull out everything else. Instead, though, his room just made everything worse (because _of course_ it did, it was Anxiety’s Room, he should’ve expected that) and his music was just giving him a headache.

He looked around his room, hoping to find something other than cobwebs and albums he already listened to to focus on, but the only thing that caught his eye were his _Nightmare Before Christmas_ posters. They were the ones Princey wanted after he saw Virgil’s room because, even though Roman might as well have been a Disney Prince himself, those were apparently the only posters he didn’t have.

 _Maybe if you gave them to him, he would like like you more,_ his room whispered to him.

“But I like those posters,” Virgil mumbled, picking at the frayed edges of the sleeve of his hoodie. Despite the purple hoodie being fairly new, at least in comparison to his old one, he had already managed to wear it down with his anxious ticks.

 _But you like Roman, and Roman likes those posters,_ his room continued, its voice (Virgil’s inner voice? Virgil barely understood his own room, sometimes) getting closer to Virgil’s ear and he thought he felt something start to wrap around his throat. _And if Roman won’t like you for you, he might as well like you for what you can give him. Are you worth anything else than what you can give, Virgil?_

“Okay, nope, no, I’m not doing this,” Virgil said, his own voice strained and barely levelled, as he pushed himself off his bed. He couldn’t stay here, not when he could start feeling the beginnings of an attack creep up on him. He pulled his headphones down around his neck, the familiar weight more comforting than the tendrils of his room, and he sunk out as quickly as he could.

Virgil wondered if he had anyone on his side, really. The Dark Sides hated him, and he was friends with Logan, Roman, and Patton, but how long was that going to last? He couldn’t even keep his own room in check, how was he supposed to remain friends forever with the three sides he was never meant to be a part of?

He mentally kicked himself as he appeared in the commons. He knew that he shouldn’t be thinking things like that. He was grateful, he really was, to have friends like the others. He even admitted that, despite their bickering, he tended to feel better after he saw the other sides. Especially Patton, because Patton always knew how to help Virgil and was Virgil’s first friend.

 _Speaking of,_ Virgil thought as he heard moving around in the kitchen and light humming.

Poking his head into the kitchen, he saw Patton with his back to him, tidying up and putting away whatever dishes were left in the drainboard. “Hey, Patton,” he said, leaning against the doorway.

Patton looked over his shoulder and beamed when he saw Virgil. “Hey, kiddo!” he said, his voice containing its usual amount of cheeriness. “I didn’t hear you come down.”

Virgil shrugged. “Just needed to get out of my room for a bit,” he said, watching as Patton put away a final glass.

When Patton spun around to face him fully, Virgil didn’t miss how his grin faltered. Virgil then realized that his room probably made him look worse for wear due to his current state. He should’ve checked his mirror before he left; he had a feeling that his eyeshadow was probably a lot darker than what he usually did.

“You feeling alright, Virgil?” Patton asked, his concern evident behind his smile.

Virgil wanted to brush Patton’s worry off and say that he was fine, but that was a lie, and Virgil couldn’t lie to Patton. Especially not after Deceit made his return. “Just tired,” he finally said, blowing his bangs partly out of his face so that he could, at least, somewhat see. It wasn’t a lie; Virgil was exhausted (he always was). He just… didn’t want to explain why he was tired specifically _now_. If he told Patton what was going on, he was then just going to tell Patton everything, because Patton is that type of person who Virgil can just talk to for hours, and then Virgil was going to be emotionally drained and probably wallow about shit that he should have suffered alone with.

“Well, make sure you’re getting enough sleep,” Patton said. “I don’t want you getting sick on us.”

Virgil didn’t think that they got sick, it was more like an exhaustion-caused breakdown that caused, as Logan would say, an “error in the way the specific side was supposed to operate”.

(Virgil called it what it was: a “mental breakdown”, literally.)

Still, though, the sentiment brought a flush of heat to his cheeks. Even after all this time, he was still adjusting to being, well, _liked_. “Thanks, Pat,” he said with a small smile. “I’ll try.”

Virgil hadn’t even realized that another side had walked down the stairs until he heard the footsteps behind him and a voice say, “You’ll try what?”

Virgil flinched, definitely more than he should have, and spun around to face Roman staring at him with a raised eyebrow and a bemused expression.

 _He’s judging you,_ he thought. “Oh, hey,” Virgil muttered, trying to make his voice calmer than he felt. He tried to ignore how he could feel his heart thumping against his ribcage upon seeing Roman.

“Scared to see me, Virgil?” Roman asked with a laugh, sitting down on the couch. “You’re much more jumpier than usual, which is saying something. Was it my appearance? Do I not look dashing today?”

Roman was smirking and Virgil’s mind was on the brink of overdrive trying to figure out whether Roman was offended, making fun of him, or if it was just the typical teasing that they tended to fall into.

“You’re fine,” Virgil mumbled, looking away as Patton walked past him into the living room. He wanted to say more because, if he was being honest, he believed that Roman looked much better than _fine_ but how would Roman react if he said anything different and-

“Just fine? Virgil, you wound me” Roman asked, placing his hand to his heart. He sounded offended. Fuck, he was messing this up, like he usually did. “Patton, Virgil says I look ‘just fine’, isn’t that absurd?”

Virgil swallowed and looked back up to Roman who was- who was smiling. Okay. Good. He wasn’t offended, he was teasing. Virgil knew this. Him and Roman did this all the time-

“I think you look great today, Roman,” Patton beamed, flopping down onto the couch next to Roman.

“I guess Virgil just has higher standards,” Roman said with wink. Virgil’s mind short-circuited. “What a shame that I must be critiqued so harshly.”

“Sorry,” Virgil mumbled, pulling his hoodie sleeves over his hands with a shrug.

“Do you guys want to watch a movie?” Patton asked before Roman could reply, if he even was going to reply. “I’m pretty sure _WALL-E_ is still in the DVD player from last time.”

“Oh, yes please,” Roman said, grinning. “I can never get enough of that movie.” He then looked back to Virgil. “Are you going to grace us with your presence?”

 _He’s asking because he feels obligated to,_ he thought, scrunching up the edges of his hoodie sleeves in his fists. _Patton is the only one who wants you here. Roman doesn’t want you-_

“I’m actually going to go back to my room,” Virgil said, his words rushed. “I only came down for a break, I have some things to do.”

Virgil wished he didn’t notice the falter in Patton’s smile at hearing that he wouldn’t be joining them. “Oh, okay,” Patton said. “We’ll be down here if you need anything!”

Virgil nodded and gave them a wordless salute before sinking back into his room.

When he appeared in his room, he immediately headed over to his bed and flopped down on it.

_Just fine? Virgil, you wound me._

_What a shame that I must be critiqued so harshly._

Roman had been joking when he said that. Virgil heard his tone and saw Roman’s grin. Roman had been teasing Virgil and was not gravely affected by anything Virgil said.

But what if he misheard? What if he misinterpreted Roman’s tone? What if he missed a wary side eye shared with Patton? What if Roman, the moment Virgil left, started to complain to Patton about Virgil and everything he did?

Virgil’s eyes drifted again to his Tim Burton posters.

 _Should have given him the damn posters,_ Virgil thought as he pulled his headphones back on. He turned his music as loud as he needed to not be able to hear his own thoughts.

\--

They had been going over Roman’s ideas for videos in the common room for over two hours now and, frankly, Virgil was exhausted. And irritated. And frustrated. And he could feel his heart start to pick up speed as the rejected pile grew higher and the deadline for the video grew closer.

He had been trying to hold back his comments as best he could, or at the very least soften them. He knew that coming up with ideas was stressful for Roman, and Virgil didn’t even think he’d be able to handle standing around while everybody else pulled apart what he made. He could see how the process wore Roman down, and Virgil felt bad that this was something that they had to do.

But Virgil could also feel his nerves jolting under his skin and, with each tick of the clock, the deadline grew closer. They had cut this one close, with only just over a week to find an idea, write a script, film, and edit. And that’s all if something doesn’t go wrong in any of those four processes, which is unlikely.

So, yes, Virgil was stressed and anxious and he could feel it building up inside of him.

Patton was currently kneeling on the floor next to the ideas that had been rejected to see if any could be looked at for a second time. Most of his time was spent, however, smoothing out papers that had been crumpled into balls, reading them over, and then gently and silently stacking them back into a neat pile. Logan was currently looking through a stack of looseleaf that Roman handed him. He was separating it out into three different piles and, occasionally, would move a paper from one to the another. Roman was flipping through a notebook he had, sometimes ripping out pieces and shoving them to Logan, sometimes glaring at what he had written, blowing his hair out of his eyes, and flipping the page angrily.

Virgil, in the middle of all of this, felt helpless. Silently, he kneeled down next to Patton and started looking at the papers that Patton hadn’t rechecked yet.

He picked up one of the discarded papers and read _How to approach your crush._

Right, that one. Logan originally voiced that he found it a bit juvenile and that, as an adult, Thomas should look past any nerves when talking with someone he was attracted to. He took back that comment, however, when Virgil pointed out that there are people, including Thomas, who get anxious when approaching others. Still, though, the idea was still rejected because it was too similar to their Valentine’s Day idea that they already did.

Virgil had been too engrossed in finding an idea that worked when that one was first mentioned, but now he could have laughed at the irony of it if it wasn’t so spot on to what he was experiencing. He sighed and put the paper back down and, upon seeing him do that, Patton flashed him a soft smile.

“Another song with Jon Cozart,” Logan read off of the page he was holding. Virgil and Patton looked over their shoulders to see Logan raise an eyebrow at Roman, who only offered the same back. “Too vague and not nearly enough time.”

“Now, Lo, I think we can be a bit softer than that,” Patton chastised. If it wasn’t for Patton, Virgil thought that Roman and Logan might have wrung each others necks by now. Virgil was as tired and stressed as any of them, and he assumed Patton was just the same, but Logan’s unloosened tie and mussed hair did not go unnoticed, just as well for Roman’s wrinkled sash and constantly furrowed brows.

“It’s a good idea, Ro,” Patton then said, giving Roman an encouraging smile. “Just one that we’ll have to put aside for another day when we have more time. You can think of a song in the meantime, though!”

Roman sighed with an eyeroll. “No, it’s fine,” he said dismissively, looking back to his notebook. “We’ve done a video like that before anyway, so throw it out.”

“I don’t think we have to throw it out,” Logan said, placing the paper in the middle pile. “We’ve told you before, Roman, not every idea of yours has to be completely original, as an idea like that is already difficult to come by.”

“I know what you’ve all said,” Roman said, his voice clipped and with an edge of annoyance. Him and Logan then shared a look that Virgil thought was either a silent apology or a challenge for Logan to quip back at him.

For the next couple minutes, the four resorted back to silently looking through ideas, the only sound being the placing, tearing, or crinkling of paper.

Suddenly, Roman said, “Virgil, what do you think of this one?” Virgil turned to face him, cross-legged on the floor and looking up at him with a raised eyebrow. “Villains in Disney movies and their motives, along with what they represent.”

Virgil thought for a minute. “Honestly?” he asked and Roman nodded eagerly. “I think it’s too much to do in such a short time and too risky. I mean, you and Logan will have to spend time narrowing down what villains to use. Then you’ll have to write and complete a script. So that’s already a couple of days. Then there’s filming and editing. And something will probably go wrong in that process that could push us back a day or more.”

Roman then looked down at the page he had ripped from his notebook, frowning. “I don’t think it’ll be too much,” he said. “Besides, if we have to, we can push the video back a day or so.”

“And disappoint our viewers?” Virgil asked. “I don’t think that that’s something we should risk.” Virgil wished that he could have continued to keep his anxieties at bay, but even he saw that they couldn’t be wasting time anymore. He had to be completely honest with his thoughts if they wanted to progress.

“Oh, I don’t think we’ll push our viewers away if we’re a little late,” Patton piped up.

“But we don’t know that,” Virgil pointed out.

“You said that this was too risky,” Roman said, looking back up at Virgil. “How? I thought you liked Disney?”

“I do,” Virgil said. “But what if people watching disagree with what we say? What if they think our opinions are wrong?”

“Well, naturally, someone out there is going to disagree with what we think,” Logan added.

“Yeah, obviously, but what if they get mad?” Virgil asked. “You know how people can be, especially about villain characters. We say one wrong thing, we vilify someone too much or not enough, and suddenly everyone hates us.” He sighed. “Besides, doesn’t this kinda blend into ‘The Dark Side of Disney’?”

“Logan just said that not everything has to be original,” Roman said, the frown still on his face as he crinkled the edge of his paper.

“Yeah, but we should at least try to do a topic we haven’t done yet before resorting to old ones,” Virgil said, reaching for one of the piles he and Patton were looking through. He began to look through them again. “There’s, like, a thousand ideas in here. I’m sure we’ll find another one.”

Roman then, with a frustrated noise, crumpled up the paper in his hand and everyone’s head snapped to him. “I’m not surprised that you don’t like my ideas. Even the ones that I think you’ll like, you find a reason to not do them,” he snapped, the waver in his voice easily noticeable. “You just want to brush them off because- because you’re _scared_ , even when it’s a good idea!” The sudden emotion in Roman’s voice caused everyone to completely still their movements. Virgil’s hands froze on the paper he was holding, his tense fingers pressing wrinkles into it.

 _Shit._ Roman gave an idea to Virgil that he thought he’d like and Virgil just shut it down completely when he was supposed to be understanding. Virgil didn’t even think to give any constructive criticism; he just thought to give all the negatives because _of course_ he thought that that was the right thing to do. Now, Roman was even more frustrated and seemed as if he was on the edge of a breakdown over his ideas and Virgil was the one who pushed him to that point.

Roman was right about Virgil being scared, too. Even Virgil couldn’t deny that. Honestly, Virgil actually liked the idea. He just saw it as a point for controversy among viewers and decided to only point out that instead of at least telling Roman that he liked it.

_Shit. Fuck._

Virgil wanted to say something, anything, that could have calmed Roman but whatever he had in mind died in his throat. Instead, Patton, after looking between the two, said gently, “How about we call it a day? We’re all tired and a little frustrated, so I think it would be best if we just all relax for the rest of the night, okay?”

Roman, wordlessly, snatched his notebook and some of the papers closest to him before sinking out. Logan quickly neatened up his own papers before muttering an indecipherable excuse to go to his own room and sinking out. Virgil tugged his sleeves around his hands and pulled them close to his chest.

“I-I didn’t mean to-” Virgil stuttered out as Patton began to neaten the papers they were looking through.

“I know you didn’t, kiddo,” Patton said softly. “Everyone is just a little tense and I think Roman is just upset that today didn’t go so well for his ideas. He’ll be okay.”

Virgil found that even Patton’s reassuring words didn’t make him feel better. Him and Roman have fought before, and they have both said things to each other that stung, but now it was… different. Even looking past Virgil’s crush on Roman, the two were friends.

Virgil didn’t want to be the one to hurt Roman anymore, and he hated that, once again, he was.

\--

Virgil wondered what it was about him that made everything go wrong.

He liked Roman; he liked Roman so much that it sort of scared him. Roman’s passion had grown on him, his courage was impressive, and Virgil really liked being able to have more civil -hell, even _great_ \- conversations with Roman than not. The two were both getting better at listening to each other and understanding each of their sides, and Virgil really did appreciate Roman’s efforts. There were slip-ups, yes, but at least the two were trying.

But then today happened, and Virgil felt as if he set all their progress (and the already slim chances of Roman ever liking him back) on fire. He should’ve been kinder, softer, when telling Roman what he thought. He probably could have gotten his point across without hurting Roman in the end. Now, Roman retreated to his room and most definitely hated Virgil and the other sides probably saw that Virgil still wasn’t one of them because this was all too good to be true and-

Virgil’s head shot up from where it rested on his pillow when there was a soft knock on his door.

When he swung open his door, his eyes widened at who was on the other side of it. “Roman,” he said, his shock clear in his voice.

“Uh, hey,” Roman said with a sheepish smile. He wasn’t clad in his usual regal attire and, instead, had a red hoodie and black pajama bottoms with little golden crowns decorating it pulled on. Virgil instantly noticed that he looked nervous. “Can… Can I come in?”

Virgil nodded and wordlessly stepped aside to let Roman in. Roman stopped in the middle of his room and looked around helplessly, as if he didn’t know what to do with his body. Virgil, taking the first initiative, sat on the floor, leaning up against his bed. “Care to join me?” he asked Roman.

Roman arched an eyebrow. “You do realize that you have chairs and a bed we can sit on, right?”

Virgil shrugged. “Yeah, but in all honesty, it seems like we’re about to have a conversation that’s better done on the floor than in a chair.”

Roman was silent for a moment before sighing and nodding. “That, somehow, makes perfect sense,” he said, taking a seat next to Virgil.

The two then resorted back to silence, Virgil pulling at loose threads on his hoodie, Roman staring down at his hands. If there was a time for Virgil to attempt an apology, now would be the time to do it. He didn’t even know if it would be good, but he might as well try and-

“I’m sorry,” Roman suddenly said and Virgil quickly turned his head to Roman, his eyebrows furrowed. “I… I shouldn’t have snapped at you today. I know you were only helping, and I told you that I wanted your honest opinion, but I still got mad at you. I guess I was just frustrated because most of my ideas already were shot down and… I guess I just thought you would agree because it was Disney and we’ve done a Disney video together. I’m… I’m really sorry, Virgil.”

Virgil gaped at Roman. He didn’t even think Roman was going to give an apology, hell, he didn’t think Roman _needed_ to give one. “R-Roman-”

“And I said that you were scared,” Roman continued, shaking his head. “That… that really wasn’t right of me. Everything you were saying was true, at least some of it. And even if I didn’t agree with everything you were saying, I should’ve never called you scared. Again, I’m really, really sorry, Virg.”

Virgil shook his head. “Roman, you- you don’t need to be the one apologizing,” he said. “If anyone apologizes, it should be me! I mean, I-I should have been way nicer with your idea than I was because- because I actually really liked it. I was just nervous because we were looking at ideas for so long at that point and getting nothing done and we really needed to start moving forward and-” He shook his head again, steadying his thoughts before he rambled on into nothingness. “What- What I’m trying to say is that _I’m_ sorry. I knew that you were stressed and frustrated and I should’ve been… more aware of that.”

Roman smiled softly at Virgil. “I appreciate the apology, Virgil,” he said. “But I still don’t think anything I said was right, especially when we’re getting along a lot better and working on things-”

“I’m not holding anything you said over you, Roman,” Virgil said. Roman snapped his mouth shut and almost looked shocked. “I… I’ve noticed how you’ve been trying, and I really appreciate that, and I think we are getting along a lot better. I thought what I said ruined everything. I wasn’t even hurt by what you said, I was more worried that I hurt _you_. And I think you were right to call me scared. I listed all the negatives to that video, even when there were positives, because I was scared, and it’s not the first time I’ve been a coward.”

Roman shook his head, frowning. “That’s the thing, though, Virg,” he said. “I really don’t think that’s true, at least not all the time, and you’re definitely not a coward. You’ve helped all of us -helped _me_ \- out of so many situations that were even stressful for you. That’s not cowardly.”

Virgil looked over at Roman, and Roman at Virgil, and Virgil couldn’t ignore how his heart leapt to his throat when their eyes met. Shit.

Virgil hadn’t meant to say, “Shit, Roman, you’re making this so much harder.” Still, though, he did, and Roman’s eyebrows furrowed and Virgil slapped a hand over his mouth.

_Dammit. Shit. Fuck. Every other curse word that Virgil knew but couldn’t think of in this time of peril._

“What- What do you mean?” Roman asked, his confusion obvious.

Virgil truly hated himself at this moment. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from voicing his thoughts and now he couldn’t back out because Roman knew that something was up. They could have had a nice chat and worked out their issues and now Virgil was going to ruin everything by putting feelings into the conversation that Roman most likely would never reciprocate and-

“I- this whole situation is definitely getting harder because you’re here and you’re being so nice -and not that you’re not nice because you are and we just said that we were getting better with each other- but this is different, you know? But, no, you don’t know, because why would you? And I feel like I’m just messing everything up but-” _Just gotta rip it off fast like a band aid_ “-I like you, Roman. Like as in I’m into you, Roman. A lot.”

Virgil quickly averted his eyes, not wanting to see what Roman’s reaction would be, before continuing, “And what sucks- what really sucks about this is that I shouldn’t, Roman. I shouldn’t like you as much as I do because I know that it can never happen. You’re everything I’m not, and I feel like I would just hold you back. You’re brave and passionate and I’m just… not anything close to as admirable.” He sighed with a shake of his head. “I know we’ve been working through things, and I know we’ve come a long way, but sometimes I think that this is just completely hopeless and that I’m going to mess up and you’re going to go back to not liking me at all, maybe even hating me. I… I never want it to get back to that point, but I understand if it has now.”

When Roman didn’t say anything, Virgil hesitantly looked at him and saw that he was wide eyed with a faint blush tinting his cheeks. “V-Virgil,” he said quietly. Virgil thought he could see the gears working in Roman’s head. “That- that was a lot all at once-”he gave a weak chuckle “-But I guess the first thing that I should start with is that… I like you, too. I have for a long time.”

For the first time in a long while, Virgil’s mind went silent.

“Once we started getting along better is when I realized it,” Roman said. “I knew that we still had a lot to work on but… I _wanted_ to work on it. I wanted to get to know you better. And what do you mean that you shouldn’t like me because I’m, apparently, everything you’re not? Virgil, you’re intelligent, you’re willing to work as a team, it’s been you who has gotten us out of some of our worst times, and, I know I’ve told you this before but I have to say it again, you make me better. None of those are qualities that are unwanted in a… in a relationship, and they definitely shouldn’t be looked down upon. So, I don’t know what you’re talking about when you say that, because I think… I think that everything you are is great.”

Virgil gaped at Roman. It took three tries to finally find his words. “But- But I thought you didn’t like me-”

“Oh, thank you, I knew I forgot something,” Roman interjected with a grin. “You thought I could hate you? First of all, Virgil, I hate to admit it, but we have seen each other at our worst. If I didn’t want to at the very least be your friend, I wouldn’t have put in the effort. But I _want_ to be your friend, or something more. Seeing how our relationship with you here has changed has been… amazing, honestly. And, second of all, I was more concerned with you hating me, _especially_ after today!”

“Well that was my concern!” Virgil exclaimed. “And I could never hate you for basically the exact same reasons!”

The two shared a look, and when Roman started laughing, Virgil couldn’t help but join in either.

“Wow, we really are… messes,” Roman said, knocking their knees together.

“Honestly, yeah,” Virgil agreed with a chuckle.

“We’ve both been walking ourselves in circles with our fears.”

“Cognitive distortions.” At that, Virgil earned a side-eye from Roman, which he believe he deserved. “We thoughts things were different than what they actually were. Learned that from Logan.”

Roman rolled his eyes but there was still a smile on his face. His eyes then dropped to his hands and Virgil watched as his expression softened. “Seeing that we both feel the same way, I want to try to make this work, Virgil. I think that this… that _we_ can eventually be something. We just have to…” He trailed off.

“We just have some things we still need to work on,” Virgil finished for him and Roman nodded. “I want this to work, too, Roman. I… I want to believe that it can but I don’t think we can just rush into things. If I’m being honest, I don’t want to rush into anything. I think we still need to- to work out some things and talk more but-” he then let out a soft laugh “-Dammit, I guess you’ve made me a romantic, because I really want this to work.”

“We just have to try,” Roman said with a grin. “But I think we can do it.”

Virgil couldn’t help but smile at Roman, and when Roman held out his hand to Virgil, Virgil only hesitated a second before taking it. Roman squeezed his hand gently and Virgil felt his face heat up as his cheeks flushed.

“You know, this really brings about a new meaning to that one thing you once called me,” Virgil said. “That I was your chemically imbalanced romance?”

Roman nodded and Virgil rolled his eyes at the prideful look behind his eyes. “That was a good one.”

Virgil sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I guess it was,” he said even though that was one of the nicknames that he was definitely more impressed with.

Roman grinned, but Virgil furrowed his eyebrows at him as he started to notice the eyeshadow starting to appear under Roman’s eyes. Even though their conversation had been as calm as it could have been (including Virgil’s accidental but well-timed confession), eventually the effects of his room were going to start to hit Roman.

“I think we should get you out of here before you start becoming a panicked mess and I have to rescue you again,” Virgil said.

Roman frowned and ran his fingers under his eyes, looking at whatever eyeshadow rubbed off. “Oh, you’re right,” he said. “You know, I was starting to feel a little off.” Roman then stood and held his hand out to Virgil. “We can go back to my room, if you want? Just to talk, of course.”

Virgil nodded and took Roman’s hand, pulling himself up. “I’d like that,” he said.

The first thing he noticed when he appeared in Roman’s room was the walls.

“You really do have one-hundred-and-one Disney posters,” Virgil said.

Roman laughed. “You say that as if you’re surprised,” he said.

 _Give him the posters,_ he suddenly though. _Gifts are good for relationships and he liked them so you should give him what he wants because it will probably make things better and make him like you more and-_

“You know, you can have those Tim Burton posters if you want,” Virgil said, despite another inner voice saying otherwise.

Roman shook his head. “Thanks for the offer, Virg, but I don’t want them.”

Virgil frowned. “But you said that you liked them,” he said. “You even came to my room once to try to take them.”

Roman waved a hand. “Well, yeah, but that was then,” he said. “Plus, I know that they’re your favorite. I would never want to take them from you.”

Roman smiled at Virgil, and Virgil smiled back.

Yeah, he believed that him and Roman could definitely work.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!! i had to power through some heavy creativity block to get this out omfg
> 
> ethospathoslogan.tumblr.com


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